The playground of self discovery

I’ve stood at the front of so many rooms and said a silent prayer that the next sixty minutes please go well, and if not well, that at least not horrible.  

To lead a meeting, hold the space, and guide a team can be a confronting task.

I find that the most challenging people stick in my memory.  

A few men who found disengagement more alluring and who made occasional disingenuous comments about the work.  A woman with crossed arms who sat deeply reclined in her chair.  Another person who made it a point to ask to skip sections of the agenda she didn’t like.

And a lot of these moments hurt my feelings.  They brought redness to my cheeks and doubt to my heart.

I used to feel like I was an old fashioned sardine can with my top cranked open, revealing all of me.

And that level of exposure was hard to manage day to day.

What I found in the years since I first began leading teams is that working with others is a playground for self discovery.

I now know that it’s inevitable that someone will show up in a group or on a team who reminds me of some other experience.  It might be a family member who never really listened or a cool kid from high school or an old version of myself that feels a bit cringy.

And these people, these reminders, are opportunities to grow some part of myself.

To lead teams I have to consistently check in with myself and ask, “What is my commitment?”

“Am I more committed to my comfort or to the person I am becoming?”

And I’m not here to pretend anything, there have most definitely been moments I’ve chosen comfort.

But there have also been moments when I have seen the challenges in front of me and decided that I was meant to grow into the next version of myself as I moved through them.

This way of perceiving teams and the challenges that can arise in teams, is a way of getting the blame off of the people in the room.  People will people.  They will get upset and frustrated and rude and all sorts of other shades of human.  

I just got really clear that what they were bringing forward in the space wasn’t about me - my essence, my worth, my value as a person.  Maybe they thought I could be better or do something different, fine. But the preferences they expressed came from their personal histories, just as mine do.

And what started to change was my focus.  Instead of, “How can I get that person to act differently?”  My focus became, “Who do I want to be and how do I want to lead in this space?”

It also included the question, “Where am I getting stuck?  What do I have to learn or break through now?”

This shift in perspective is absolutely what kept me in the game.

I couldn’t have made it a decade plus in leadership without a way of leading teams that felt energizing, important, and aligned to me and my vision for my life.

I work with a lot of leaders who come to me feeling pretty beaten up by the people they are trying to work with and lead.  

What I’ve seen first hand is that the experience of feeling like the leader at the front of the room getting pebbles chipped at you, can be a gateway to personal healing, deeper self understanding, and total transformation.

To be a part of a leader’s journey in reclaiming their voice, power, and vision is one of the best parts of my work.

And if you’re currently leading a tricky team, you’re not alone in feeling demoralized by it.

Also, it doesn’t have to continue to be so difficult and draining.

I’m really excited to now be offering the Tricky Teams Transformation Intensive which is a focused coaching experience designed to help leaders tackle their biggest team challenge. In just a few sessions, you’ll identify the root of the issue, create a tailored action plan, and lead with clarity and confidence to foster real, lasting change.

Your coach,

Maggie