How explaining hurts leaders

Remember that email you drafted explaining your most recent budget decision?

Or the 1:1 you let take 90 minutes because you thought if you just fully explained yourself, your decisions, how your action was values aligned - then your team member would get on board?

Or maybe you remember the rumination that consumed you in your drive home?  “Should I have said that?  Maybe if I just said it this way  people would understand?”

The leaders I work with are sensitive and caring.  They want to do excellent work and they want to lead through strong relationships and earned trust.

What trips them up is the dissent, the resistance, the refusal to see it another way that comes up in leadership.

• A parent wants a service just for their child and can’t see how it impacts the whole school

• A team member who disagrees with how budget is being used

• Another person who rejects the scores from a performance review

And leaders like us might feel the pull to EXPLAIN.

And we do.

We take the call, schedule the meeting, review the performance metrics in hopes of arriving at mutual buy-in and understanding.

Sometimes it works.

Sometimes it costs us.

And here’s the thing I think we can miss - not everyone wants to understand.

In fact, sometimes folks are committed to not changing their minds or taking on a new perspective.  

It’s in those times that explaining becomes a source of burnout and disillusionment.

Not to mention a big drain on our time.

Can you find yourself in a moment where you were pouring energy into explaining while the other person let your words merely wash over them and away?

If part of you feels sad, heavy, or tired just thinking about all the explaining you’ve been doing lately, I have a process for you.

For the next two weeks try this:

• Only explain to the few people who you know are fully committed to understanding you.  These are your inner circle peeps.

• No explaining to anyone else

I know your jobs require some level of professional “explaining.”  You have to report on the data and give updates on progress.

I get it.

But the extra explaining that feels a little like having your energy syphoned  from your soul - stop doing that.

The goal?  

• More energy, more time, more peace.

• Less gaslights, less self doubt, less waste.

Try it out and let me know how it goes.

Cheering you on in leadership,

Maggie 

Ps - I designed a badass new leadership team retreat that gets your team clear on their shared mission, how they each uniquely contribute to the mission, and excavates the most likely pitfalls to accomplishing the team goals.  It’s both practical and deep - a great retreat for the end of school year or to get on your calendar now for August.  Want to chat about doing this work for your team?  Grab 30 minutes here and let’s talk!